Today is my 40th birthday, and all I can think about is the fact that I am still a Virgin. My biggest issue, which started way back in my early teens because of constant bullying, is the fear of leaving my house and interacting with people, also know as Agoraphobia. I have been dealing with it for 30+ years, and it has only gotten much harder in recent years. A few years ago I had a nice 3 year window where I was in heaven. I had enough money that I didn't have to work, and I experienced happiness I never knew was possible. I had zero stress, anxiety, and depression. I didn't leave my house for almost 3 years...Then all of a sudden that money was gone, and I was thrown back into the nightmare that I thought I had escaped. Only now, everything is 10x worse then it was before because all I can think about every day, is getting back to that amazing dream.
So yes, I am 40 years old, and I have never had sex. I have tried a few times, even managed to get started once or twice, but every time, my body betrays me. I get hit with this rush of Anxiety that numbs my whole body from head to toe as soon as I realize I am about to have sex. It is one of the most horrible feelings imaginable, because I'm not just hurting myself, but someone that I care about as well. I tried medication, but my problem isn't physical, its mental, and nothing has worked, so I stopped trying 16 years ago because I got tired of hurting myself and my girlfriends. I haven't dated or anything since 2009. I will be going into detail about how I got this way, so keep reading if you want...
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