I gave up trying to find love in 2009 after a lifetime of rejection and head games. I was happy and comfortable being alone for the past 10 years, but I recently went through a stressful situation, and it awoke an emptiness inside me. The stress has faded, but loneliness has taken over where content use to be. I decided to write about all my experiences with women, in order to 1: Remind myself why I gave up 10 years ago, and 2: I'm desperate to get rid of this pain, and writing tends to help.
Thursday, May 16, 2019
Andrea (1995) Age 14
She was a skater girl that lived in my neighborhood. She had a half pipe (skate ramp) in her back yard so I was over there a lot hanging out. I eventually asked her out and she said yes. She would come over and we would play games, ESPN Xtreme games on PS1 had just released, and we played that a lot. On the 3rd day, I walked her home, and for that 10 minute walk I was trying to work up the nerve to kiss her. When we got to her house, I said bye and leaned in to kiss her, and she put her hands out and pushed on my chest and stopped me, and said "my parents might see"...which wasn't possible because there were bushes blocking, but ok I assumed she was just nervous so I told her I would see her tomorrow and went home. The bike ride home I felt amazing and confident, and I knew I wouldn't be nervous the next time I tried to kiss her. The next day my friend Paul came up to me when I was in line to get pizza at the Mall. He goes "Hey, Andrea sent me to tell you she just wants to be friends" and I was like "Yeah ok, sure" and acted like I was ok with that, but I was heart broken. I stopped hanging out at her house and lost contact with her soon after.
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