Abby (1993/1994) Age 12-13

Around the age of 12, during the 1993/1994 school year when I was in 7th grade, I met this girl Abby. We quickly became friends and started hanging out almost every day. Soon into the friendship she started flirting with me a lot, and always used this one line that messed with my head. "I'll give you sex" she would say. Being a shy guy and never getting much attention from girls, I was really excited every time she said it. I would think about when and where, I would walk up to her and try to put my arms around her and she would giggle and move away. I would be on the phone, and try and talk her into coming to my house when my parents weren't home, but she never did because she always had an excuse...it got the point where she would call me and ask me to hang out, and tell me she was gonna "give me sex". I lived a short bike ride distance from her, and if she ever wanted company or wanted a favor, she would sometimes throw in "I'll give you sex" to get me to do something. I started  having strong feelings for this girl, even though I was confused, I still believed she liked me. One day I was hanging out and another guy showed up...we all chilled for a little bit and then they started to kiss in front of me, and he put his hands up her shirt then they went into the house and left me outside. I waited about 10-15 minutes, and while sitting there, all I could think about was what they were doing inside, and it hurt like hell. I spent weeks picturing myself doing those things with her, and now I couldn't get those pictures of them out of my head...After some intense pain, I gathered myself and rode my bike home...Never spoke to her again after that...its been 26 years and I still think about the "why" of that situation. I don't think I will ever understand why anyone can do something like that to someone else. If she wasn't into me, why pretend and put me through that for all those months? Why did my first encounter with a crush have to be so painful?