Final Thoughts

When I started writing "The Female Nightmare" 6 months ago, I was feeling really empty and lonely and desperate for someone to be with. I brainstormed and remember as much as I could (and I had some old writings to work from as well), and put together these 14 stories. Now that I have relived the nightmare and reminded myself why I gave up all those years ago, I feel content again, even if its only to avoid more suffering. Its like a fire...its as if I forgot that it burns, and I saw it and couldn't resist touching it to see what it feels like. Now that I remember that it burns, I don't feel the need to reach out for it anymore. All those years of being treated like that, showed me the cold reality of human beings. If a person is not attracted to you, then they don't have any empathy for you, and thus they are much more willing to use and/or abuse that person because there is no guilt on their end. Being treated like that for all those years did something to my subconscious, and I started seeing this hideous ugly deformed freak every time I looked in the mirror. I can't stand looking at people or talking to people, and I hate the thought of someone seeing my face, especially women. I don't want to see that look of disgust that I have seen so many times...